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Fifteen going on 40 - Jairus [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Jairus

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Fifteen going on 40 [Aug. 6th, 2014|08:37 pm]
Jairus

Now that we’ve gotten our POSITIVE EMOTIONS out of the way it is probably time to write a post about how I’m quietly having a secret meltdown.


There is so much going on right now that I don’t have the means, resources, or support system to deal with. I don’t have people I can talk to about it. So much of it is so deeply personal and complicated that I worry even posting this vague update is going to bring down new stresses around my head, even if it’s just trying to explain to hurt friends that I don’t think I can talk to them about it.


I’m also feeling more pressure and demands on my time than I ever have before. I’m working a seriously unsustainable amount of hours right now, and while I’m making Big Changes to bring that down to something more reasonable, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.


With the (very important!) exception of being able to pay my rent and afford food, I don’t think there’s a single aspect of my life that isn’t fraught right now. Everything has sharp edges or a part moving sideways when it needs to go straight.


I’m hoping to get a lot of this shit settled by the end of August. But even then, that’s three and a half weeks of walking through glass doors and hoping I don’t cut anything too vital.


And then it’ll be September.


When do I get summer?


OH WOE AND ALAS




[X-Posted to Restraint.]

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: keyframe
2014-08-06 09:05 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you have to work through all that stuff. Lately, I've been feeling aggravated by plans that fell apart, so I wish I could take on some of your abundant work- it would be a treat for both of us. Hang in there, like the kitten on the poster! Remember Bruce Willis' feet in Die Hard and wear some figurative shoes when you walk through the figurative glass (I am using this bizarre analogy to encourage you to take good care of yourself with lots of sleep, healthy food, fresh air, exercise, and whatever makes you happy).

Officially according to The Powers That Be, the first day of Fall in 2014 is Tuesday, September 23rd. So if things ease up for you around August 1st, you still have three weeks of summer ahead of you!
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[User Picture]From: dextra
2014-08-07 12:02 pm (UTC)
if it helps... the next time you get a free car, come out east and let me spoil you.

no pressure, no expectations, just quiet support and gentle love, here.

i have faith. in you, in your ability to get through this, in the universe working things out, etc.
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[User Picture]From: owl_of_minerva
2014-08-07 07:00 pm (UTC)
Hug.
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[User Picture]From: neilx
2014-08-07 07:07 pm (UTC)
Why working so much?
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[User Picture]From: tigertosser
2014-08-12 02:27 am (UTC)
Do you still talk to Martin?
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[User Picture]From: twiin
2014-08-12 03:56 am (UTC)
I haven't talked to him in years and years. Do you?
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[User Picture]From: tigertosser
2014-08-12 04:02 am (UTC)
I just remember that you guys used to be good friends, and he used to be someone you could talk to.

I'm still here though, if you ever wanna just hang out sometime.
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[User Picture]From: nocnitsa
2014-08-12 09:28 pm (UTC)
Dood.

Find a cool stranger unrelated to everything in your life and open up. Feels good.
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